i bursted into tears. i thought that the next time i saw you it wouldn’t matter. but as soon as i saw your face i thought about everything all at once. i felt very nausious. it was to much all together at one time.
you are different. you are not yourself, but you are still perfect to me in every way. i miss, not just you; but the old you.
"I kissed a girl wearing a cross around her neck. her lips did not taste like church, but her hips felt like god. i wonder what her pastor would have thought…i wonder if that cross around her neck meant more to me then it does to her."
i wish i had someone who would be with me through out my recovery process.
no one cares enough about me to go through my problems when they have enough of their own. i just wish i meant something to someone. anyone. but i don’t and i have to accept that.. i know i’m asking for a lot. i just want this lonely, empty feeling i have inside of me to go away. i don’t want to be an attention seeker, or anything. but i just feel sad all the time and i don’t want to go through it alone.
my own mom has givin up on me. my friends, my brother, my dad. everyone. but, it’s okay. because i believe that everything happens for a reason. i deserve this sadness, it’s not here just because.
today at school a girl looked at me from a distance and said, ” ugly bitch… slut. ” loud enough for me to hear. but i know i am. i tell myself all the time. so, i shouldn’t let it bother me. but when enough people start saying these things, i begin to believe them.
their all right, i am an ugly bitch, and a slut. it’s true. i know.
i deserve this sadness because i am a terrible person.
Today, a few hours ago, I felt as if I was alone, as if I could run to no one, as if I had no where to go, as if I could do nothing, as if I wasn’t in control. I was hurt, mad, sad, angry, confused, lost, every…
And by everything, I literally mean everything. I notice when someone stops hitting me up like they used to. I notice when the way someone talks to me starts changing. I notice the little things that people do, and the little things they used to do. I notice when things change, and when it’s no longer the same. I notice every single little detail. I just don’t say anything.